Posts

Road Less Traveled

I thought about calling this "things I have learned from my dog."  I'm referencing the way she (Maggie) loves to dig holes. When she digs she is in a fury, slinging dirt everywhere. She recently decided to dig a hole right next to my flower bed that is teaming with beautiful purple Wondering Jew. Much of it became covered in the dirt hiding it beauty and causing it to be weighed down. I realized how much this reflects my life's current state. I started out just kicking a little dirt around aka allowing things and people back into my life that had formally been shut out. It was fun, fresh and I felt in control, but the more dirt I moved the more it resembled a hole. The dirt began to pile up on things I once held dear. Most notable was my authentic self. Once the hole was deep enough I could see where I was losing my freedom.  The dirt had weighed be down and caused me to bend low in order to sustain the weight (burdens) now piled on me. My once bright light was now be

AWAKE

AWAKE A few weeks ago I traveled out of town. Just a three hour drive but long stretches of highway and sometimes being the only vehicle on the road. At times a vehicle would speed past me and shake me from my lull for a moment.  There is a phrase I heard recently called “highway hypnosis”.  Here is the Wikipedia definition: Highway hypnosis , also known as white line fever, is a mental state in which a person can drive a truck or other automobile great distances, responding to external events in the expected, safe and correct manner with no recollection of having consciously done so.    I realize I have at times lived my life this way.  Just going through the motions, doing what is expected of me without any conscious awareness of what it is doing to me.  I can “drive” for hundreds of miles (weeks, months, years) mesmerized by the white lines. I’ve often said referring to certain routes, “I have traveled this route so many times I could drive it blindfolded”.  And so, I have d
There is an alley behind my place of employment . All along the back of our building are trash dumpsters and utility poles. There are two pretty massive speed bumps along this alley way. It is littered with pot holes and divides our property from some quadraplexes.  I take this route to work 3 to 4 days a week. I know where the pot holes and the speed bumps are located. The speed bumps are so large that I have to slow my car down to a crawl to ease over them and not cause damage to my car. Two times last week I hit that speed first speed bump without ever slowing down. The hit was pretty traumatic . I did the same thing a few days later and was so shocked. I couldn't believe it happened again. What is going on I wondered. I have driven this route hundreds of times, I knew they were there, what is wrong with me? I drove on to work feeling stupid. The next day I drove the route again, but this time I stopped before I got to the speed bump so I could try and figure out how I coul

Becoming Me

What have you done today to make you feel proud? Now before you start throwing religious darts at me and tell me pride is my problem, hear me out. I'm not talking about selfish, self promoting proud. I'm talking about taking a stand for what you believe in and what your believing for. This song so describes my journey in all areas of my life right now. My core beliefs are changing. Beliefs about who i am and how God sees me. Beliefs about break through and this walk we call life.  While my spirit man is growing and being redefined so is my physical. I'm starting to believe in myself and although I have been here before, this is so different. I'm not revved up by  this new thing everyone else is doing or someone else cheering me on, not to say people aren't for me and encouraging me, but I have something inside of me that has been brought to life. Maybe for the first time ever I'm starting to know "me". The me God created me to be, the me He says He

I Choose Life

Lately I have been hanging out with my ex husband again. I had done this over and over for the past 31 years. Sometimes I marry him only to divorce him again. Why do I keep going back?  It is still a mystery to me although I have some glimpses of insight here and there. What is going on in my life; in my relationships with God and friends I need to determine to completely surrender everything and nothing less!   One of the things that draws me in is that Kevin tells me he has changed, that this time he really does see the err of his ways. When he does this my fairy tale dreams spin with delight, the birds sing, Gus Gus wants to make me a dress and all seven of the dwarfs champion around me. But it is only surface and has no depth , just words.  Reading in the Passion this morning, Psalm 92, “v7, It’s true the wicked flourish, but only for a moment, foolishly forgetting their destiny with death that they will one day be destroyed forevermore. Your anointing has made me strong an

It Is Finished

During this last year or so I’ve been on a journey that includes purging my household items.  I have run across many things that I had completely forgotten about.  In fact, so many things that it caused me to Seleh ,  pause and think about it.   Now, I have been journaling since I was able to write. It has always been an outlet for me to express myself with out having to be vocal or confrontational. I even got in BIG trouble once when my mom went snooping and read that I had taken up smoking because it relieved the stress of my 14 year old nerves that had become tattered because of her. Needless to say, I have dozens of journals. So as I’m cleaning I run across a box of them and decided it would be enlightening to see how far I had come on this journey called life.  I realized after a while that many of these journals weren’t complete, they had lots of blank pages.  Then I noticed that many of these same journals all started the same way. They each said something similar to t
Over the holidays I updated my phone.  This new version has more bells and whistles and with a new plan, many more Apps are available.  I was searching through all the Apps to see is there was something I might me missing out on. There are apps  for living a healthy life style, price comparisons, smiley faces that say what you mean with a look or a dance. Ones that track you steps and measure your stride and the list goes on and on. As I scrolled through I saw a parallel in my mind of the Bible. I felt the Lord saying there are Apps in there too.   Wowzer, (yes,I used that word) when is the last time I searched the Apps for new things? Or better yet, when is the last time I just did an update? How often do I just read the Word and not apply it?  Time for search and apply