Daughter of Troops

Time is going by so fast, this season is at an accelerated pace. The Lord is dealing with me on several levels. I 'm just coming out of a season of waiting and moved into a season of empowerment. The Lord told me to quit disqualifying myself . God is so good and I'm so happy to be back on the right road again. Dang, what a detour! Kevin finally agreed to sign the divorce decree and pay a very small amount towards the very large credit card debt. I know that God will continue to be faithful and meet all my needs. The house is the next thing that needs to be dealt with. I just proclaim that it will sell in this new month. It is 162 days today until the cruise. I am so excited about it. God's face has surely shined upon me. My journey to better health is well under way. I start walking with a friend tomorrow and incorporating the dreaded E (exercise) word into my life. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! 1 Corinthians 9:17 " For if I do this thi...

Yesterday, on the way to Abilene from B aird it began to sprinkle here and there but nothing to even turn my wipers on. I went to Wal-Mart on my way home to grab a few items I needed. I spent quiet a bit of time searching out my items and getting them into my basket. I went back to lawn and garden to check out and there was a line but not like the ones inside the store. I waited behind a couple whose little boy kept pretending to shoot me. I played along and acted as though I felt the shot and grabbed my chest in pain. He was thrilled and dragged out his other hand for a double shot. I wanted to pull out my play gun and say now what, but he was young and I didn't want to make him cry. lol All that being said, the wind began to pick up and soon it was like a tornado was above us. Pots and plants and wind chimes were hurled around the area. Dirt and debre were flying into out hair and eyes. Little Junior John Wayne was now crying and his mom was freaking out . There was thunde...

A lot has happened in the month since I last blogged. I left Kevin and filed for divorce. It was very hard to do and required the most intense focus I have ever experienced in my life. I'm dealing with a lot of emotional things right now. Some I did not expect. I never expected to miss him, but I do. The Lord reminded me of when I had major surgery a few years ago, it was so painful and left me vulnerable and in the hospital for 3 long weeks. I thought the pain would never go away and the wound would never heal. The Lord told me at the time that one day I woud look back on this time and soon it would be a memory. It is now. There are times that I feel little (sometimes BIG) pains from the surgery area. Most times they pass quickly but on occasion they do linger for a few days. Nevertheless they end. All that to say, so will this pain. It is temporary and will soon be gone. Life will be differant, better, and it will go on. I am discovering strengths that I have had all along, but t...

Do not be deceived, "Evil company corrupts good behavior. Awake to righteousness, and do not sin; for some do not have the knowledge of God. 1 Corin. 15:33-34a Proof that I am influenced by people around me, whether good or bad. I must keep my eyes steady on the course in order to win this race. I will overcome! Guard my heart O'Lord.

April, 04, 2011 I want to start by saying God is so good. So much has happened. I have witnessed so many people go home to be with the Lord at the hand of cancer. God has ended their suffering. In doing so He leaves behind the next generation to carry out His great plans. I'm still in Joshua and am learning that many fought and died and passed that inheritance on to the next generation. I have repositioned myself as I felt the Lord allowed me to. Things certainly look different from a new vantage point. The air is more clear and fresh and crisp from here. Although I must admit I've gotten a few cuts and bruises in the climb; however, it was well worth it! I have taken back some ground and have much more to take back. Some of it is not even a matter of fighting for it, but simply taking what is already mine. I did tell Kevin that I loved him but also hated him. He was encouraged because he said there is still a chance because I do love him. My words fall upon deaf ears. H...

Well my kids just left for home. I always cry because I love them so much, I love being a mom! This has been a really great Christmas. We spent a lot of time just enjoying each other, playing games, talking, sharing our lives. It took our being relational to remind me I need to be more relational with God. I have gotten very relaxed and lazy in spending time with my Father. This holiday has in many ways been a reflection of the past 25 plus years of my life. I have made many bad decisions in my life. I'm not going to pound myself in the ground . God told me this year my Word is " GRACE " I need to embrace it. I have to have balance with it too, no pie in the sky stuff. Be real. I've made some vows in my head, I've made some decisions, in my head. That is the problem, they are in my head and I have not committed to any of them. I need a plan that I can be okay with and this is where it gets hard because I also have to trust God for the things I cannot figure ou...

I was just reading some of my older posts. How sad that some things have not changed. I'm still extremely sad over the loss of my mother and my sister. I'm still battling demons of oppression . I'm still crying about my weight and feeling helpless to do anything about it. I am overwhelmed! I am so unhappy with many aspects of my life. I am literally at war within myself. Why do I do the things I don't want to do? Paul wrote that for me. As I turned to God in despair after dinner, I felt impressed to go get my old Bible, the one that is worn and has been to hell and back with me. I opened it up in Genesis and found this highlighted area in Chapter 4 v6 " Why are you so angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." Now isn't that just like God. He is so amazing. This is difficult because I have once...

I just love the holidays. I've got my pink peds, I'm ready for the race The fast paced step this season brings. The smell of cinnimon is in the air and I know that the man in the suit is very near. What's that familiar noise I hear? Like tiny hooves swishing through the air. I peek out the door and grin ear to ear It's him, it's him; he's oh so near I just love this time of year! His suit is crisp and clean and snug Come closer and let me give you a hug He bring me gifts and never makes a mess Yep it's him, the man from U.P.S. Oh. your suprised? Don't go into shock He wears those little brown short and makes them rock I just love the holidays!

Today I'm dealing with a ton of pain. My heart is breaking . I cannot or don't want to believe that my sister is dead. I know she is with Jesus and that she no longer suffers, but I'm selfish and I want to talk to her. Who will I talk to when I say remember the time when we were little and mamma....... No one could relate to that but her or my brother. We had a really rough life growing up and due to our own choices adult life was often hard too. She doesn't have to struggle any more, I wonder does she still make decisions or have choices? What will the holidays look like? I cannot possibly fill the shoes or her and mother, although I know I'll try. It will never ever be the same. I want to be healthy, I don't want to leave my son to deal with this mess of emotions that comes with this kind of loss. I cried out to my Savior, the only One that can and will help me. Jesus, I need you more than ever, please comfort me, hold me, ease my pain, remove the hurt, hel...

It has been a while since I've blogged. Not that I haven't had things to write about. Actually it is because there is so much I have felt overwhelmed. I was thinking about my brother, DeWayne and how his death came suddenly, without warning. It was shocking and we were forced to deal with it immediately. And mom, it was such a quick transition from being diagnosed with cancer and then death taking her. Both are hard things to go through emotionally. With my brother, there was no hope, no prayer could change it. It was final and I didn't get to vote. There were a lot of questions and there will never be any answers. With Mom, we had hope in God to heal her. She didn't want to live and prayed for God to take her home. He did, despite my pleas... Now, it is final and nothing can change it. My sister is still fighting. She is the bravest person I have ever known in all my life. I again have hope that she will be healed and live a long and prosperous life. When my eyes ga...

It's been a long time since my last blog, but I have had a lot going on. I just got through reading Bill Johnson's Supernatural Transformation of the mind for the third time. Each time God reveals more to me and I just "get it". I thank God for them. God reminded me that he told me break through is eminent ! I am trying to meditate on the Word more and walk in His Spirit & truth until it is a natural thing for me. Stephanie borrowed the book so we will be climbing buddies through this area. I thank God for her and our friendship

                                                                               Katie                                                                                Kylie                                                Kylie, Alexis, Ashton, Taylor, Katie                                                             Alexis                                                                            Ashton                                                                           Taylor The Princess Party was fabutastic (my new word).  The girls had such a good time and God sent just the right volunteers to get the job done!   We used some different worship music this time and the girls were able to move into the Presence of The Father. Ashton came to me and said she felt tears in her eyes during worship. I told her that was because she was in the Presence of our Great God and that is how how soul was responding to it.  I encouraged her to go deeper and she did. She later said her whol...

Today when I got to work there was a message on the answering machine. A customer proceeds to go on and on with profanity tucked in between every two or three words about his anger at us because his #$%@ gate code will not work and how mad he is at us that we lied because he is not able to get in after office hours and blah, blah, blah.  I reviewed the gate reports and sure enough he tried to get in, but he was putting in the wrong code , he was one number off.  I love it when it's not our fault.   I promptly returned his call and said "hello, this is Rhonda at Stor & Lok and I understand you had a problem with your code over the weekend" (snickering under my breath) Yes I did and so did another car but they got it to work and then my code started working. "Yes Mr. @#$& I noticed on my code report that when you used the right code it began to work. "  He began to clear his throat and then profusely apologize for the foul message he left proclaiming he w...

We need one another.   We are created to have relationship with one another. God Himself created man to have relationship with and we being made in His image have this innate yearning to belong. The Bible calls us ministers of reconciliation.   The word reconciles means to reestablish, restoring relationship better than it was before. 2 Corinthians 5:17-21 I had a brief opportunity to restore a relationship with my mother before she passed away.   I think I grew to love her more the last month of her life than I had in my entire adult life.   So, how do we do that? How can you be restored to someone who has brought you great pain?   Here it goes, it ’ s profound!   “ Do not count men ’ s sins against them. ”   It is so easy to wallow in our own pain and get covered in bitterness, disgust, hate for the acts of another person. How many times have I said how could you, I would never do that.   I become the judge and I forgot that Jesus took all judgments on the cross.   I have re...

Today is a very sad day for our family. Mother passed away this morning.  Yesterday she had a bad reaction to some pain meds and that was horrible. I did not recognize her as she lay there .  She could see her grandmother and she was asking her to help her. She kept saying help me  grand-momma.  She was also calling for her own momma.  She would grab mine and Susan's hand and say make "holly golly go away."  We figured out she was talking about the pain. We told it to leave and she agreed it needed to go.  She was very child like and I believe she was a little girl in her mind.  I thank God for letting me see the innocence of her youth. She looked so sweet at times and would just smile so big. Her smile was truly captivating.  Today Susan and I got to be with her as she passed from this world. We know she is in heaven right now. That is price less to know that she is saved.  I will miss her !  She was the best mother she could be and I'm glad she gave me life.  She ...

My mind is so bogged down with thoughts that I'm not even sure were to begin.  I am OVERWHELMED ! Issue # 1  Today the doctor recommended mom for Hospice care. They came in and basically told me how to prepare for her death, how to say good bye.  I cannot wrap my mind around that right now.  She is saved and has peace with God, but it's not fair.  I'm clinging to hope for the life of a woman that I built so many walls around my whole life. I've blamed her for a lot of things that I became as I grew up. I have ask her to forgive me and she does and so does God but I'm sick with anguish over the whole situation. I saw myself feeling this way about dad. Now the way I sometimes feel about dad are unfamiliar.   Did I ever really know my parents ?  A lot of times I was mad at mother for certain things and felt like she was being difficult, sometimes she was but now I know sometimes she was covering for dad. Protecting his saintly persona. Just like me and just like Susan ...

I was thinking today about how I have been feeling lately. I got a visual of an ocean and I'm standing on the beach. I want to escape so I run as hard as I can towards the ocean .My speed and momentum take me out quite a ways then as I slow down I realize I am walking on quicksand not water and now I'm really far into it and cannot make my way back to the sand.  I feel completely out of control of my life. I need a life line before I'm in over my head.

God has been pouring some things into me these past two weeks. Some I haven't quite pulled together, other things are crystal clear.  I've made some decisions in my life that were not always the will of God, some things I tried to fix myself because we all know how intelligent I am. (right?)  I have a habit of believing that I have messed things up so much that God will no longer need or want me around. I try to fix it and it often ends up worse.  I felt I had broken my relationship with God because of  1. marrying Kevin, 2. taking time off from children's church, 3. having some bitterness over my life where my parents are concerned and  just not spending enough time doing religious things (I'm totally being sarcastic here).  I have repented . A few days ago I told the Lord I was soooo sorry for breaking our relationship, He spoke one word to me, " fractured " . Okay, lets look at that word, it is a form of being broken, but a fracture is still attached, it is...

Today church was so good. We were instructed to invite God to speak. The first time I heard Him say, "I love you". I so need to hear that over and over again.  After the teaching, we waited again to hear from God.  He is so faithful.  There are times when I feel like I'm not effective in my walk and at times I have thought what is the use because this person doesn't "get it" and I sometimes act the way he would understand instead of the way my heart desires. I'm not sure if that makes sense. Anyhow, God spoke to me this morning and said Rhonda, you know that Kevin buys you perfume to wear because he likes the way it smells, but when you wear it he rarely acknowledges that you have it on. And sometimes other people will say what is that perfume your wearing, it smells so good and you think to yourself that you can't even smell it.  Well, that is what it is like to walk in the ways of the Lord, maybe you don't notice it but others do. Just because ...

Well, Christmas came and went. Chris came down and we had a wonderful visit and met Walker, the new grand dog. This has been a year of up's and downs, Thankfully more ups. My sister is saved and healed in the name of Jesus. Her hair is already growing back and will be even more beautiful then when it left ! My parents, well..I'll get back to that one. I got remarried in July to the man I married 20 years ago and divorced after 12 years . It was the right thing to do both times ! I have a beautiful new home and I'm happy. I'm ready for some changes in 2009...mainly with getting myself healthy!!! God revealed some things in my heart to get it healthy spiritually. I'm going to let go of bitterness, resentment and disappointment. I'm going to quit reopening old wounds and set free those I've held hostage in my emotional prison. God reminded me that I have the keys and the authority to open and close any door necessary. I'm ready to let God meet my ...