Daughter of Troops

What's love got to do, got to do with it? What's love but a second hand emotion......Ha, you were singing it weren't you?  Well, Tina Turner, love has everything to do with it. It is not just an emotion. God is love. Because He is love , I am love having been created in His image and therefore, I love because I am love and I am loved  It is the foundation of our very being. Without love we would not exist.  We use the word love so casually , it loses it's meaning. I love my car, I love Mexican food ect. While it may be true I really like those things I don't love them. We are to love one another. Love is vulnerable, it is able to stand naked before you in truth and not feel judged, ashamed or dishonored. It is truth in it's purest form.  I love my friends! I am blessed to have among my friends many people who walk in this love. They are the most realistic people I know.  Because of that, I am allowed to become more mature and grow into that love. You know who ...

THUNDER THIGHS....thats right I put it in print. I never considered that I had them until today. You see yesterday I went to the gym with two friends and we walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes, then we got the bright idea to try the 20 station circuit workout. I mean after all we just walked 2 miles, we are now seasoned professionals. Afterwards we were proud we had pushed ourselves to the limits. Today, not so much. Let me just say this, aghhhhhhh. I hurt! My thighs have not seen that much action in years and the term "thunder" comes from the immense pain radiating from my extremities. What was I thinking ? Well, I was thinking I'm tried of being tired, tired of this weight battle, tired of how I look and I want to be healthy.  That's why I did it, that's why I'm suffering today. It will be worth it if I stay at it. Consistency is the key!  So I have decided to invite folks into my battle, surely there are others that want freedom too. I want to meet at...

September 03, 2012 It's been a really long time since I've written and so much has happened.  Loss of family members, spouse, friends, identity. This picture is how I feel my life is right now. Run down, broken in some places, sinking in others. I'm almost positive that I'm depressed. I'm afraid of cancer...it's hard to even write the word out in print. I'm sad most of the time and feel like I'm going no where. I'm lonely and I sleep a lot. My eating is completely out of control. I'm lazy and generally unhappy. I'm also spending money like a crazy woman. I need help!

this week I took an opportunity to read through journals dating all the way back to 1996. I'm sad to say that many of the excerpts a decade ago could read as though it was today. Over and over and over patterns repeated. Lessons never learned, pits deepened with glimpses of light scattered here and there. A lot of self loathing....feel that way right now. I need more help than I can even grasp . I must be free of this! I don't want to wait until I get to heaven to experience freedom . I want it now. On earth as it is in heaven. How do I obtain it?

This morning I keep hearing the Lord say; "Daughter, you are the head and not the tail, above and not beneath. You are not second best. You are first place and not last resort. Do not settle for crumbs. Come up to My table and dine with me. Look in My eyes and see your reflection. Humans are clumsy and careless with their words. Hear my voice only. Keep your ear pressed here against my heart that beats for you. I have chosen you, just keep choosing Me. I love you. I've always loved you. Your not alone, I am here. " There is a musical instruments that has what is called sympathetic strings. When the string feels a note coming that is the same as them, they begin to vibrate. I feel like the Lord wants me, all of us, so in tune with Him that when He breathes we begin to vibrate, when He moves; we move. Here I am Lord, make me your instrument, create in me new songs. You make me relevant!

Today I changed my social security and my driver's license back to my maiden name. I'm cutting all ties with my former life. Someone said, "Oh, you get to be you again." I've always been me, but today I'm a different me. I ran across some pictures a doctor took of me when I was abused some 20 years ago. The outer marks are long gone with no evidence of their existence. God has healed as much of the inner marks as I have allowed. I cannot go back and change the past few years, they are as much a part of me as today was. I can't go back and reclaim the "me" I was supposed to be. I can only move forward and be the "me" of today. Today I move forward with new insight and new victories in overcoming obstacles that kept me from being the best me possible. Today I purpose to be closer to God. I'm through with being pushed back and I am pressing on into the Upper Court in Christ. I have love to share, wisdom to share and God has ...

Time is going by so fast, this season is at an accelerated pace. The Lord is dealing with me on several levels. I 'm just coming out of a season of waiting and moved into a season of empowerment. The Lord told me to quit disqualifying myself . God is so good and I'm so happy to be back on the right road again. Dang, what a detour! Kevin finally agreed to sign the divorce decree and pay a very small amount towards the very large credit card debt. I know that God will continue to be faithful and meet all my needs. The house is the next thing that needs to be dealt with. I just proclaim that it will sell in this new month. It is 162 days today until the cruise. I am so excited about it. God's face has surely shined upon me. My journey to better health is well under way. I start walking with a friend tomorrow and incorporating the dreaded E (exercise) word into my life. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! 1 Corinthians 9:17 " For if I do this thi...

Yesterday, on the way to Abilene from B aird it began to sprinkle here and there but nothing to even turn my wipers on. I went to Wal-Mart on my way home to grab a few items I needed. I spent quiet a bit of time searching out my items and getting them into my basket. I went back to lawn and garden to check out and there was a line but not like the ones inside the store. I waited behind a couple whose little boy kept pretending to shoot me. I played along and acted as though I felt the shot and grabbed my chest in pain. He was thrilled and dragged out his other hand for a double shot. I wanted to pull out my play gun and say now what, but he was young and I didn't want to make him cry. lol All that being said, the wind began to pick up and soon it was like a tornado was above us. Pots and plants and wind chimes were hurled around the area. Dirt and debre were flying into out hair and eyes. Little Junior John Wayne was now crying and his mom was freaking out . There was thunde...

A lot has happened in the month since I last blogged. I left Kevin and filed for divorce. It was very hard to do and required the most intense focus I have ever experienced in my life. I'm dealing with a lot of emotional things right now. Some I did not expect. I never expected to miss him, but I do. The Lord reminded me of when I had major surgery a few years ago, it was so painful and left me vulnerable and in the hospital for 3 long weeks. I thought the pain would never go away and the wound would never heal. The Lord told me at the time that one day I woud look back on this time and soon it would be a memory. It is now. There are times that I feel little (sometimes BIG) pains from the surgery area. Most times they pass quickly but on occasion they do linger for a few days. Nevertheless they end. All that to say, so will this pain. It is temporary and will soon be gone. Life will be differant, better, and it will go on. I am discovering strengths that I have had all along, but t...

Do not be deceived, "Evil company corrupts good behavior. Awake to righteousness, and do not sin; for some do not have the knowledge of God. 1 Corin. 15:33-34a Proof that I am influenced by people around me, whether good or bad. I must keep my eyes steady on the course in order to win this race. I will overcome! Guard my heart O'Lord.

April, 04, 2011 I want to start by saying God is so good. So much has happened. I have witnessed so many people go home to be with the Lord at the hand of cancer. God has ended their suffering. In doing so He leaves behind the next generation to carry out His great plans. I'm still in Joshua and am learning that many fought and died and passed that inheritance on to the next generation. I have repositioned myself as I felt the Lord allowed me to. Things certainly look different from a new vantage point. The air is more clear and fresh and crisp from here. Although I must admit I've gotten a few cuts and bruises in the climb; however, it was well worth it! I have taken back some ground and have much more to take back. Some of it is not even a matter of fighting for it, but simply taking what is already mine. I did tell Kevin that I loved him but also hated him. He was encouraged because he said there is still a chance because I do love him. My words fall upon deaf ears. H...

Well my kids just left for home. I always cry because I love them so much, I love being a mom! This has been a really great Christmas. We spent a lot of time just enjoying each other, playing games, talking, sharing our lives. It took our being relational to remind me I need to be more relational with God. I have gotten very relaxed and lazy in spending time with my Father. This holiday has in many ways been a reflection of the past 25 plus years of my life. I have made many bad decisions in my life. I'm not going to pound myself in the ground . God told me this year my Word is " GRACE " I need to embrace it. I have to have balance with it too, no pie in the sky stuff. Be real. I've made some vows in my head, I've made some decisions, in my head. That is the problem, they are in my head and I have not committed to any of them. I need a plan that I can be okay with and this is where it gets hard because I also have to trust God for the things I cannot figure ou...

I was just reading some of my older posts. How sad that some things have not changed. I'm still extremely sad over the loss of my mother and my sister. I'm still battling demons of oppression . I'm still crying about my weight and feeling helpless to do anything about it. I am overwhelmed! I am so unhappy with many aspects of my life. I am literally at war within myself. Why do I do the things I don't want to do? Paul wrote that for me. As I turned to God in despair after dinner, I felt impressed to go get my old Bible, the one that is worn and has been to hell and back with me. I opened it up in Genesis and found this highlighted area in Chapter 4 v6 " Why are you so angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." Now isn't that just like God. He is so amazing. This is difficult because I have once...

I just love the holidays. I've got my pink peds, I'm ready for the race The fast paced step this season brings. The smell of cinnimon is in the air and I know that the man in the suit is very near. What's that familiar noise I hear? Like tiny hooves swishing through the air. I peek out the door and grin ear to ear It's him, it's him; he's oh so near I just love this time of year! His suit is crisp and clean and snug Come closer and let me give you a hug He bring me gifts and never makes a mess Yep it's him, the man from U.P.S. Oh. your suprised? Don't go into shock He wears those little brown short and makes them rock I just love the holidays!

Today I'm dealing with a ton of pain. My heart is breaking . I cannot or don't want to believe that my sister is dead. I know she is with Jesus and that she no longer suffers, but I'm selfish and I want to talk to her. Who will I talk to when I say remember the time when we were little and mamma....... No one could relate to that but her or my brother. We had a really rough life growing up and due to our own choices adult life was often hard too. She doesn't have to struggle any more, I wonder does she still make decisions or have choices? What will the holidays look like? I cannot possibly fill the shoes or her and mother, although I know I'll try. It will never ever be the same. I want to be healthy, I don't want to leave my son to deal with this mess of emotions that comes with this kind of loss. I cried out to my Savior, the only One that can and will help me. Jesus, I need you more than ever, please comfort me, hold me, ease my pain, remove the hurt, hel...

It has been a while since I've blogged. Not that I haven't had things to write about. Actually it is because there is so much I have felt overwhelmed. I was thinking about my brother, DeWayne and how his death came suddenly, without warning. It was shocking and we were forced to deal with it immediately. And mom, it was such a quick transition from being diagnosed with cancer and then death taking her. Both are hard things to go through emotionally. With my brother, there was no hope, no prayer could change it. It was final and I didn't get to vote. There were a lot of questions and there will never be any answers. With Mom, we had hope in God to heal her. She didn't want to live and prayed for God to take her home. He did, despite my pleas... Now, it is final and nothing can change it. My sister is still fighting. She is the bravest person I have ever known in all my life. I again have hope that she will be healed and live a long and prosperous life. When my eyes ga...

It's been a long time since my last blog, but I have had a lot going on. I just got through reading Bill Johnson's Supernatural Transformation of the mind for the third time. Each time God reveals more to me and I just "get it". I thank God for them. God reminded me that he told me break through is eminent ! I am trying to meditate on the Word more and walk in His Spirit & truth until it is a natural thing for me. Stephanie borrowed the book so we will be climbing buddies through this area. I thank God for her and our friendship

                                                                               Katie                                                                                Kylie                                                Kylie, Alexis, Ashton, Taylor, Katie                                                             Alexis                                                                            Ashton                                                                           Taylor The Princess Party was fabutastic (my new word).  The girls had such a good time and God sent just the right volunteers to get the job done!   We used some different worship music this time and the girls were able to move into the Presence of The Father. Ashton came to me and said she felt tears in her eyes during worship. I told her that was because she was in the Presence of our Great God and that is how how soul was responding to it.  I encouraged her to go deeper and she did. She later said her whol...

Today when I got to work there was a message on the answering machine. A customer proceeds to go on and on with profanity tucked in between every two or three words about his anger at us because his #$%@ gate code will not work and how mad he is at us that we lied because he is not able to get in after office hours and blah, blah, blah.  I reviewed the gate reports and sure enough he tried to get in, but he was putting in the wrong code , he was one number off.  I love it when it's not our fault.   I promptly returned his call and said "hello, this is Rhonda at Stor & Lok and I understand you had a problem with your code over the weekend" (snickering under my breath) Yes I did and so did another car but they got it to work and then my code started working. "Yes Mr. @#$& I noticed on my code report that when you used the right code it began to work. "  He began to clear his throat and then profusely apologize for the foul message he left proclaiming he w...

We need one another.   We are created to have relationship with one another. God Himself created man to have relationship with and we being made in His image have this innate yearning to belong. The Bible calls us ministers of reconciliation.   The word reconciles means to reestablish, restoring relationship better than it was before. 2 Corinthians 5:17-21 I had a brief opportunity to restore a relationship with my mother before she passed away.   I think I grew to love her more the last month of her life than I had in my entire adult life.   So, how do we do that? How can you be restored to someone who has brought you great pain?   Here it goes, it ’ s profound!   “ Do not count men ’ s sins against them. ”   It is so easy to wallow in our own pain and get covered in bitterness, disgust, hate for the acts of another person. How many times have I said how could you, I would never do that.   I become the judge and I forgot that Jesus took all judgments on the cross.   I have re...