random topics

God has been pouring some things into me these past two weeks. Some I haven't quite pulled together, other things are crystal clear.  I've made some decisions in my life that were not always the will of God, some things I tried to fix myself because we all know how intelligent I am. (right?)  I have a habit of believing that I have messed things up so much that God will no longer need or want me around. I try to fix it and it often ends up worse.  I felt I had broken my relationship with God because of  1. marrying Kevin, 2. taking time off from children's church, 3. having some bitterness over my life where my parents are concerned and  just not spending enough time doing religious things (I'm totally being sarcastic here).  I have repented . A few days ago I told the Lord I was soooo sorry for breaking our relationship, He spoke one word to me, "fractured" . Okay, lets look at that word, it is a form of being broken, but a fracture is still attached, it is fragile and needs care while healing, The Greek  word schizo  means to split or break open.  These wounds can be healed.

Next He was speaking to me about the way I am praying for my husband to be saved. I am not being "violent" in my prayers and taking things by force. He said some beasts cannot be tamed and must be slain.  He showed me how people take animals from the wild and try to make them into domestic pets. Many times these animals turn on their owners. You cannot tame what is innate !  Evil must be conquered, not controlled. Destroy it! (spiritually speaking of course).

Last night I dreamed that I was in a large room and many people were praising God. It was very crowded. I looked across the  room and there was a woman with her arm raised praising the Lord.  Her hand was glowing red like it was hot. I knew she had the gift of healing and I ran to her and grabbed her arm and placed it on my chest.  Her entire hand went inside of my body and it was as though I exploded. Every part of me felt alive and on fire in a good way. I said I want it all. Then I began to dance all over the room . I was totally submersed in the Spirit.  Kevin came over and began to dance with me (he doesn't dance in  the natural), he wanted it too.  Kids were running to me wanting to know what I was doing, feeling ect...

My last dream was my mom taking me to a store to shop, they made us remove our shoes at the door. Once inside I told my mom I had to go to the bathroom (those who know me know that I always have to go ) when I got in there it was filthy , it looked as though the room had been spray painted with poo.   I really had to go so I began putting paper towels on the floor so I wouldn't get it on my feet and I grabbed another huge handful to wipe off a toilet seat. I was frustrated and I said Lord, I really need to go and I can't clean this up. He said, "Exactly Rhonda, you keep trying to clean up the mess and I will do that. I just want you to go, just go!"  This was more than just a dream, God was really speaking to me. He is so awesome ! 

 Please pray for my family. Mom is still in the hospital and she cannot walk, dad is sinking into depression and my sister and I are tired.