Daughter of Troops

I recently heard from my first husband after hearing nothing for 34 years.  It was a bad break up. He cheated many times and then ask for a divorce. I was only 18 and it absolutely crushed me and my dreams. He contacted me to be a friend on Facebook  and I accepted . We wrote back and forth after exchanging emails and I told him I forgave him. While it is true that I did forgive him, I have come to realize that the past is always the past. We no longer know one another and apparently I never knew him. The only thing we have in common now is the past. It is a painful place and it can only take me back to where I have already been. It is buried and digging up stinking and rotting things only leaves an undesirable foul stench in my nostrils.  So I unfriended him after catching him in a lie.  I made a choice that was good for me. I usually do whatever I think will make the other person happy even if it makes me miserable. Today I stretched and grew a little.  I have miles to go, but I a

What's love got to do, got to do with it? What's love but a second hand emotion......Ha, you were singing it weren't you?  Well, Tina Turner, love has everything to do with it. It is not just an emotion. God is love. Because He is love , I am love having been created in His image and therefore, I love because I am love and I am loved  It is the foundation of our very being. Without love we would not exist.  We use the word love so casually , it loses it's meaning. I love my car, I love Mexican food ect. While it may be true I really like those things I don't love them. We are to love one another. Love is vulnerable, it is able to stand naked before you in truth and not feel judged, ashamed or dishonored. It is truth in it's purest form.  I love my friends! I am blessed to have among my friends many people who walk in this love. They are the most realistic people I know.  Because of that, I am allowed to become more mature and grow into that love. You know who

THUNDER THIGHS....thats right I put it in print. I never considered that I had them until today. You see yesterday I went to the gym with two friends and we walked on the treadmill for 45 minutes, then we got the bright idea to try the 20 station circuit workout. I mean after all we just walked 2 miles, we are now seasoned professionals. Afterwards we were proud we had pushed ourselves to the limits. Today, not so much. Let me just say this, aghhhhhhh. I hurt! My thighs have not seen that much action in years and the term "thunder" comes from the immense pain radiating from my extremities. What was I thinking ? Well, I was thinking I'm tried of being tired, tired of this weight battle, tired of how I look and I want to be healthy.  That's why I did it, that's why I'm suffering today. It will be worth it if I stay at it. Consistency is the key!  So I have decided to invite folks into my battle, surely there are others that want freedom too. I want to meet at

September 03, 2012 It's been a really long time since I've written and so much has happened.  Loss of family members, spouse, friends, identity. This picture is how I feel my life is right now. Run down, broken in some places, sinking in others. I'm almost positive that I'm depressed. I'm afraid of cancer...it's hard to even write the word out in print. I'm sad most of the time and feel like I'm going no where. I'm lonely and I sleep a lot. My eating is completely out of control. I'm lazy and generally unhappy. I'm also spending money like a crazy woman. I need help!

this week I took an opportunity to read through journals dating all the way back to 1996. I'm sad to say that many of the excerpts a decade ago could read as though it was today. Over and over and over patterns repeated. Lessons never learned, pits deepened with glimpses of light scattered here and there. A lot of self loathing....feel that way right now. I need more help than I can even grasp . I must be free of this! I don't want to wait until I get to heaven to experience freedom . I want it now. On earth as it is in heaven. How do I obtain it?

This morning I keep hearing the Lord say; "Daughter, you are the head and not the tail, above and not beneath. You are not second best. You are first place and not last resort. Do not settle for crumbs. Come up to My table and dine with me. Look in My eyes and see your reflection. Humans are clumsy and careless with their words. Hear my voice only. Keep your ear pressed here against my heart that beats for you. I have chosen you, just keep choosing Me. I love you. I've always loved you. Your not alone, I am here. " There is a musical instruments that has what is called sympathetic strings. When the string feels a note coming that is the same as them, they begin to vibrate. I feel like the Lord wants me, all of us, so in tune with Him that when He breathes we begin to vibrate, when He moves; we move. Here I am Lord, make me your instrument, create in me new songs. You make me relevant!