It Is Finished

During this last year or so I’ve been on a journey that includes purging my household items.  I have run across many things that I had completely forgotten about.  In fact, so many things that it caused me to Seleh,  pause and think about it.  

Now, I have been journaling since I was able to write. It has always been an outlet for me to express myself with out having to be vocal or confrontational. I even got in BIG trouble once when my mom went snooping and read that I had taken up smoking because it relieved the stress of my 14 year old nerves that had become tattered because of her.

Needless to say, I have dozens of journals. So as I’m cleaning I run across a box of them and decided it would be enlightening to see how far I had come on this journey called life.  I realized after a while that many of these journals weren’t complete, they had lots of blank pages.  Then I noticed that many of these same journals all started the same way. They each said something similar to this: This journal is a fresh start, this is a new chapter, this is a new beginning ect.  As the weeks have gone on and I’ve gone through other areas of the house, I have found many “projects” unfinished.

I found a JoAnn’s bag that contained skeins of yarn and a crocheted blanket that was about a foot long .  I have scrap booking pages that are incomplete and stashed away in a drawer. I have fabric cut out for some fabulous thing I was going to sew and never did. Boxes of expensive fabric for the quilts I planned on making and giving as gifts. Boxes full of beads and wire for the jewelry I was going to make.  Stacks of diet books for the diet I never started and dozens of other books unread or I started reading them and didn’t finish. Why did I quit?

Maybe I got distracted by the next new thing. Possibly, but more than likely it was because at some point I felt as though I had failed and rather then correcting it, I quit. I went back to look at the crocheted blanket and noticed that it was shorter on about the last 4 inches then the previous 8.  Why not take the stitches out and resume? 

Then something dawned on me, an epiphany;I don’t give myself the grace to fail.  It’s right there in all my journals, over and over and over. I was writing the same things in each one more or less. My ongoing decision to start again on Monday with the new diet. My plans to leave my marriage and never look back. All my pity parties inked for the world to see should they stumble across them and be curious.

All this has planted a lie in me , I’m unworthy. I believed that God was disappointed in me because of my lack of commitment and gave up on me. I beieved that He got so disgusted that He just quit. 

I’ve told people,“I have commitment issues.”   Here’s the TRUTH :

“There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.”  Philippians 1:6 MSG

I’m being transformed! Here’s the word I’ve thrown at many people “PROCESS” UGH  But even before all that, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” The definition of made is: made or formed in a particular place or by a particular process. Produced or manufactured by constructing, shaping or forming.  Hello!

I brought the crochet bag to work with me. I’m going to take out the stitches that don’t line up(healing) and I’m going to complete the work I started. 

This is not a new beginning, however it is finished, not in the sense that it’s over, but in that it is completed.

Thank you Father for grace and mercy. Thank you for process and for healing. Thank you that I am made in Your wonderful image!

The journey continues.....