Becoming Me
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
Now before you start throwing religious darts at me and tell me pride is my problem, hear me out.
I'm not talking about selfish, self promoting proud. I'm talking about taking a stand for what you believe in and what your believing for.
This song so describes my journey in all areas of my life right now. My core beliefs are changing. Beliefs about who i am and how God sees me. Beliefs about break through and this walk we call life. While my spirit man is growing and being redefined so is my physical. I'm starting to believe in myself and although I have been here before, this is so different. I'm not revved up by this new thing everyone else is doing or someone else cheering me on, not to say people aren't for me and encouraging me, but I have something inside of me that has been brought to life.
Maybe for the first time ever I'm starting to know "me". The me God created me to be, the me He says He knew even before I came to be. I don't have all the answers and that's okay too, I'm learning and He is faithful to teach me. Listen to the words of this song, this was the theme song for the Biggest Loser when it first aired. I would listen to it and watch the show and cry while I watched all the contestants allow the world to see their vulnerability. How I longed to be them; instead I remained in my comfortable recliner snacking on whatever deep fried goo I could find in the kitchen and dreamed of the day. Six months ago the sun began to rise on that day, I saw it in the horizon peering just below the dark clouds that had gathered around my spot in the world. It has not been easy! There are days I beg and invite the darkness back in. What I have discovered is that it cannot return because where there is light, no darkness can be found. I can leave where I'm at and go back to that, but honestly the pain of staying the same is now greater then the pain of change. I love the line in the song that says "you could be so many people", I'm starting to see that because I'm beginning to understand the things I like and don't like. I'm starting to question why am I doing this to that. I needed a change! I have had much success and many failures the past six months but I can clearly see where I've taken ground and moved into a greater place. I have taken steps to ensure my success, yes we can do that. Make a plan. Jillian always said "failure to plan is planning to fail". I'm not Peter Pan, I can't fly around by the seat of my pants any longer pretending to be someone I was never meant to be. This time with God's grace and mercy and guidance I'm becoming ME.
I'm learning what my "triggers" are , thank you to my precious son Christopher for helping me to see I have them. For instance when I'm feeling lonely I probably should not listen to Eric Carmen waling "All By Myself". That is the time to press into God who has promised to never leave me, who resides in me.
Again. what have you done today to make you feel proud?
I got up, I spent some time talking with Jesus, cleaned my front glass door, put out more fall decor (you can never have too much), I played some tracks from the Biggest Loser CD and danced the way my body will move at the moment, I'm meal planning for the next week. I'm proud of me, who I am this moment and looking forward to getting to know who I am becoming.
Now before you start throwing religious darts at me and tell me pride is my problem, hear me out.
I'm not talking about selfish, self promoting proud. I'm talking about taking a stand for what you believe in and what your believing for.
This song so describes my journey in all areas of my life right now. My core beliefs are changing. Beliefs about who i am and how God sees me. Beliefs about break through and this walk we call life. While my spirit man is growing and being redefined so is my physical. I'm starting to believe in myself and although I have been here before, this is so different. I'm not revved up by this new thing everyone else is doing or someone else cheering me on, not to say people aren't for me and encouraging me, but I have something inside of me that has been brought to life.
Maybe for the first time ever I'm starting to know "me". The me God created me to be, the me He says He knew even before I came to be. I don't have all the answers and that's okay too, I'm learning and He is faithful to teach me. Listen to the words of this song, this was the theme song for the Biggest Loser when it first aired. I would listen to it and watch the show and cry while I watched all the contestants allow the world to see their vulnerability. How I longed to be them; instead I remained in my comfortable recliner snacking on whatever deep fried goo I could find in the kitchen and dreamed of the day. Six months ago the sun began to rise on that day, I saw it in the horizon peering just below the dark clouds that had gathered around my spot in the world. It has not been easy! There are days I beg and invite the darkness back in. What I have discovered is that it cannot return because where there is light, no darkness can be found. I can leave where I'm at and go back to that, but honestly the pain of staying the same is now greater then the pain of change. I love the line in the song that says "you could be so many people", I'm starting to see that because I'm beginning to understand the things I like and don't like. I'm starting to question why am I doing this to that. I needed a change! I have had much success and many failures the past six months but I can clearly see where I've taken ground and moved into a greater place. I have taken steps to ensure my success, yes we can do that. Make a plan. Jillian always said "failure to plan is planning to fail". I'm not Peter Pan, I can't fly around by the seat of my pants any longer pretending to be someone I was never meant to be. This time with God's grace and mercy and guidance I'm becoming ME.
I'm learning what my "triggers" are , thank you to my precious son Christopher for helping me to see I have them. For instance when I'm feeling lonely I probably should not listen to Eric Carmen waling "All By Myself". That is the time to press into God who has promised to never leave me, who resides in me.
Again. what have you done today to make you feel proud?
I got up, I spent some time talking with Jesus, cleaned my front glass door, put out more fall decor (you can never have too much), I played some tracks from the Biggest Loser CD and danced the way my body will move at the moment, I'm meal planning for the next week. I'm proud of me, who I am this moment and looking forward to getting to know who I am becoming.
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