It is written!

April, 04, 2011
I want to start by saying God is so good. So much has happened. I have witnessed so many people go home to be with the Lord at the hand of cancer. God has ended their suffering. In doing so He leaves behind the next generation to carry out His great plans.
I'm still in Joshua and am learning that many fought and died and passed that inheritance on to the next generation. I have repositioned myself as I felt the Lord allowed me to. Things certainly look different from a new vantage point. The air is more clear and fresh and crisp from here. Although I must admit I've gotten a few cuts and bruises in the climb; however, it was well worth it!
I have taken back some ground and have much more to take back. Some of it is not even a matter of fighting for it, but simply taking what is already mine. I did tell Kevin that I loved him but also hated him. He was encouraged because he said there is still a chance because I do love him.
My words fall upon deaf ears. He of course has done a 180 degree turn and is syrupy sweet and ever so helpful. It was real easy for a moment to become somewhat complacent. Then I even started feeling mean because of the way I still feel even though he was being nice. I started hearing Kevin as he told me that we have been through too much together and needed to stay together. I began to let the enemy tell me how many times I have left and gone back. And how God was so disappointed in me and tried of my disobedience. I do know that Kevin's kindness
is momentary and will cease as soon as he feels in control again.
Today I was reading in Joshua and found my sword to use on that emotion. In chapter 14 Caleb is speaking to Joshua, 11 "As yet, I am as strong as on the day that Moses sent me; just as my strength was then, so now is my strength for war, both for going out and for coming in. " 12"Now therefore, give me this mountain of which the Lord spoke in that day for you heard in that day how the Anakim were there, and that the cities were great and fortified. It may be that the Lord will be with me, and I shall be able to drive them out as the Lord said.
This freedom is my promised land and I will continue to fight until VICTORY is pronounced. It has been too long, but I'm stronger thenever and I will not give up.
What the enemy is telling me is mean I read in chapter 11:20 speaking of Joshua
"For it was of the Lord to harden their hearts that they should come against Israel in battle that He might utterly destroy them, and that they might receive no mercy; but that He might destroy them as the Lord had commanded Moses."
I do know that God loves Kevin and has plans for him. But now I understand that I cannot "fix" him. God wants me to hand him over and move on. The relationship must be utterly destroyed so that I can love free in the promised land. I know there is so much more for me. My goodness, Joshua and Moses had already destroyed 31 kings and they still were not done.
It is written, "how long Rhonda (Good spear, powerful river, reborn, anointed one to name a few) will you neglect to go and possess the land which the Lord God of your father's has given you?" Joshua 18:3

Comments

Brandi Wilson said…
I pray you continue to have peace and wisdom about this situation.

I enjoyed reading your blog. You're a great writer!
April 4, 2011 at 7:19 PM
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