My Fairy Tale

Well, it happened. Today my ex-husband called me at work. He wanted to take me out to dinner and just be friends. Sounds innocent enough right? Wrong! Two weeks ago he stopped me in a parking lot of a business I was going into. He begged, he cried, he apologized and as always he promised. He had learned and now after twenty years of knowing me he realizes the err of his ways and can't live without me. Before you judge me and think I'm heartless, there is a history that I'll tell you in person if your interested. You see the problem is, I still love him. He is not a follower and tries to control my participation in church as well as everything else in my life. When he called today my emotions went crazy. My flesh wanted to say yes. Yes, I'll go to dinner with you and then after that let's go get remarried and then we can live in my new house that God gave me and be happy for the rest of our lives. That is my fairy tale. I told him finally I would have to think about it and call him back because I wasn't sure I wanted to open up any doors . After I hung up, I prayed. Lord, please, I want to be married. It's is all I ever wanted. I know you hate divorce and blah, blah, blah...We've had this conversation before. Very clearly the Lord said one word WISDOM. I know He's right. I don't want to keep telling Kevin goodbye. I called a friend and said I need wisdom. I said I haven't done anything yet, but I'm tempted. She said okay, tell me. I knew she wouldn't judge me or think I was stupid (okay , maybe a little. hee-hee). I said Kevin called and she said No! She was so quick I said are you talking to me cause I thought there must be someone else in the room with her because I hadn't even said what happened. She assured me, "I'm talking to you." She then proceeded to remind me of some things the Lord had spoke with me concerning this matter in the past and gave me some great advice and still loved me. That is so Christ like, thanks friend! I called him back and said I couldn't and of course he wanted to know why. The following is in a nutshell what I told him: Once upon a time my heart was whole, or so I thought. I fell in love and gave it to you. Over the years, it suffered many heartaches . Then at times it would actually break and a piece of it would fall at your feet. Eventually so many pieces had broken and fallen that I’m not sure how I even survived. I took back the piece that existed and it was fractured and quite fragile. It had to be guarded . I thought I would surely die. Then I fell in love again, this time with Jesus. He took the fragment of my heart that I laid at His feet and He made it new and whole. Now, here you are again asking me to give you my heart. You’ll have to go to the feet of Jesus to find it. Until He has your heart, you cannot have a part of mine. He is the guardian of it. I do still love you and I have forgiven you, but I’m not the same person. I’m a Princess, an heir to royalty and I belong to God. To be with me, you must go through Him. The choice is and always has been yours. Then I invited him to church. That is the only door I will open for him at this point. After I hung up I cried a little and then I rang my bell. I love you Jesus!