train dream

Last night's Daughter of Troops meeting was so great. I'm so happy to get to know all the ladies that I don't know very well. I had a strange dream last night. I am sure it is related to our D.O. T. meeting. In the dream I was standing on a grassy area and there was a very defined area between the grass and the sand. The desert area was a large place and in the far distance I could see an old partial train track with three train cars on it. The cars were all linked together. I wanted to go over and look at the train and the very moment I touched my toe to the sand I was in the train car, although I don't know which one. At this point it was as though I was watching a movie. I could see myself standing in an open doorway. There was a door in front of me and I opened it and there was a long hallway with many doors on either side of the aisle. I stepped out of the doorway to open one of the hall doors. The door where I had been standing slammed shut. When I opened one of the doors in the hall there was a brick wall. I shut it and tried several others I opened all had walls . When I went back to the one I had orginally been standing in, it too had a wall. There was no escape. I almost panicked and then I saw Kevin (my ex-husband). He was leaning against the wall down a ways from me. He didn't seem to notice I was there. I approached him and he looked more handsome than I ever remember him looking. He smiled and seemed glad I was there, but he never moved from leaning against the wall. I said "I need to talk to you, I have something important to tell you." He smiled and said okay. Then I said "Kev, I just wanted to tell you goodbye." ( Even as I type this out I feel emotional. ) I felt such a surge of emotion that I awoke from my sleep and I tried so hard to go back to sleep because the dream didn't seem to end the way I wanted it to. I could not. All morning I've thought about it, I've pondered the meaning. I feel sad, angry, rejected, grouchy.... Sad, I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm still grieving the end of a relationship that was only good in my mind. Angry, I didn't get to choose how the dream ended. What had I done. Rejected, he didn't chase after me confessing his undying love, begging me to stay. Grouchy, I have to face yet another truth. I left him a long time ago in the worldly, physical realm, but I thought about him every day. Good and bad thoughts. Maybe after last nights D.O.T. I was able to release him in the spiritual realm. I dont know...I could guess several things the dream might mean. Closed doors, no escape, no turning back (that one has been a continual message God has given me through the years through dreams and prophets). At the meeting last night Molly said in reference to the dying to self that it was more than that. She said it really is saying "goodbye Molly". Maybe that's what I did. I didn't get to choose how it ended because it just ended. It is finished as our Lord said. I have overcome many, many ,many things concerning Kevin. this will not be an acception. The gouuchyness is just because my flesh didn't get it's way. Thank you Father for loving me so much and for being so patient. I've been like the Israelites where he is concerned . What should have been a short journey has in fact been 20 years in the making. Forgive me Lord.